Blue Happy Living

A week ago tomorrow I was on a morning run by myself. Yes I know dumb, stupid and crazy to run by myself before the sun comes up. Please no emails, messages or text. I get it not a smart move. Trust me my daughter has already given me the what for, but any how. A white dodge pickup followed me. I was coming down 544 in front of Lowes. I made a right turn onto Murphy road and right into the outer sidewalk of the Lowes parking lot. As I approached the backside of Christina’s Mexican Restaurant this truck stopped to let me run in front of them. They had a blinker on to turn into the back of Christina’s. I ran on but only to discover that they were keeping my pace in the front of the business that ran along 544. I could see them in the break between each building. I watched them closely and at one point stopped with hands on my hips and stared. It didn’t make them go away. I’m sure I ran faster than I’ve ever run before. They followed me all the way up to the 24 hour fitness parking lot. I made a call to one of the girls I workout with she met me at the stop sign next to What-a-burger. We stood and starred at the truck it finally made a quick turn and went towards Race Track.

I have been paralyzed by fear because of this.  I haven’t been able to trust or enjoy running because of this.  I spend most of my time looking over my shoulder.  When it happened I refused to go outside and run for the first 3 days.  On Friday of last week I had to get gas.  I stopped at the Race Track next to my gym.  I only had half a tank when a white Dodge pickup pulled into the pump just behind me.  I don’t know if it was the same person I stopped the gas and left.  Halfway home I realized that this person has made me a prisoner of my own little world.  They took away my trust.  My tears turned from fear to being pissed off!  I started getting outside again but making sure I was with someone or VERY near other people.  I still look over my shoulder and I’ve turned down my music so that I can hear.  Fear is still haunting me with every pound of my feet.  I can’t let it paralyze me any longer.

As I ran this morning I thought of many times in my life that fear paralyzed me.  Unspeakable things people did to me as a child, when my daddy passed away and even when I started Blue Happy Living.  If I would have let fear win I wouldn’t be blogging tonight. I wouldn’t have a project to share with you.  Fear is nothing more than a thought.  It isn’t real and has no substance.  We can feed fear or starve it. I decided I’m going to starve my fear.

This past weekend I found this sweet small farm table in one of those on-line garage sales.  When I picked it up I realized they had the measurements wrong and it was very tiny.  Although tiny, it will make a very bold statement in any kitchen or small dining area.  Not only could it be a table but it could be used for a desk.  Pushed against the wall or center in an office the Farmhouse desk could be born.  Don’t feed your fear just starve it to death.