Even as a child I felt like my body was wrong. I wasn’t over weight by any measure. My body issues were from hearing the negativity of those adults around me. Remarks like “your not fat but your not missing any meals either” or “you’ll never be thin like pretty girls, your big boned”. The things that adults say to and in front of kids soak into their brains.
I have never really enjoyed summer even though it’s my favorite season. I wouldn’t wear shorts or a bathing suit because of my body image. If I did bare my body at a pool it was the most covering bathing suit I could find. My shorts were more like capris and forget about sleeveless tops. Even after all the weight loss and surgeries for skin removal I’m still shy to show my body. I work HARD in the gym and even HARDER on my diet so why am I still shy?
Much thought has gone into this question and the bottom line is me. I’m allowing the limitations on me. I’m the one that is the most judging. I assume others are talking about me. I assume others are judging me. When in all fairness no one gives a rats butt what I look like. This week on the beach I took a good look around and here is what I noticed. No one was watching me. That’s right they we’re all involved in their own lives. Every person was different in size, color and body. I didn’t notice anyone looking at me. So with that I peeled off my t-shirt and enjoyed the sun and beach for the first time ever in my life. 
This vacation started out as a celebration of 32 years of marriage. We had a beautiful suit to stay in and great times were had. In the end it became a moment of clarity for me. A moment of discovery.
