It took years to get to where I am with my heart and I’m still not where I want to be. I keep thinking when I grow up I’ll do this or that. The reality is next month is my 53rd birthday and growing up fully just might not happen like I pictured it. There is this fine line where you dreamed your life would be and where it is in reality. As a kid I remember spending hours on my bed looking out the window thinking will life always be this way, will I ever really know about true happiness and what if this is really all there is. Yes I know big thoughts for a kid but for me those thoughts started very early on. I don’t think I knew just how to focus on what was most important. When I was a kid it was about survival from one day to the next. Keeping myself safe and out of harms way. At 53 the reality is I have to push and push hard towards those goals I want to reach. I’ve had to pull out of my bucket list the most important to me. Those goals that are out of reach are the goals I set at a young age and my time has passed. Pretty sure I’ll never be a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader or a ballerina. Yes I know, but I said I was young okay. I try not to focus on those lost goals but instead pour myself into now and my future.
Over time if you allow you can learn things about yourself. One thing I’ve learned is I can be a very disciplined person. Discipline is a very powerful trait. It can over take you and you end up over disciplined as life passes you by. Finding a balance in life is the hardest part of this journey. Finding that right amount of time for exercise, family, friendship and the list goes on. It’s easy to let things slip while I’m over focused in other area’s. I guess we all do that from time to time. I just wish I had the magic sprinkles to be better at that part of my life.
This week I’ll be honest I’m over focused on one thing and that is the student art show. It’s all going down on this Saturday. These kids amaze me every year with all the talent they have stored up in them. Most of them walk into my room thinking this is going to be an easy class. How hard can it be, its art. Without them even knowing my discipline takes over and I find away to pull the talent out of them. They learn more than art skills they learn skills they never knew they had. I stood in my studio at school today and walked around tables and tables full of art. It was over whelming to say the least. Oh to be young again with no fear to try new things. No fear to step out of the box you are in.
Discipline is something I strive to have every day. I tumble sometimes but I get back up and try again. I’m so blessed to have a group of friends more like family always there for me. They love me no matter what I do, say or how I look. I’ve been crabby to these people more than once. They love me anyway without condition. I’m not lucky, I’m truly blessed to have these people in my life. When I was a kid I wanted more than anything to have and know unconditional love. These goofy people gave that to me. Just proves that good things come to those that wait and pray.
