I find myself at the end of Christmas day thinking about the last 48 hours. It was full of friends, family, food and fellowship. This year I seem to have many things on my mind that transferred into my Christmas life not falling out as it always has. So much to distract from what was at hand. My thoughts travel back to almost a year ago when we lost a student at Wylie Prep. We are coming up on the date she last lived on earth. My last conversation with her was over a donut, some of the last photo’s were on campus as we closed school for snow. I miss that little girl, I miss her smile, I miss her words or encouragement and I miss her on campus. What I haven’t shared on my blog and why I’ve been a bit flaky over the past couple of weeks was due to a medical issue. Two weeks ago today I found myself in the ER with extremely low blood pressure, fatigue that caused me to sleep for about 48 hours straight and fogginess that made it hard for me to focus. I spent a couple of days in the hospital as they ran test to see what was up. Thursday blog will be in more detail as I’m seeming a specialist on Wednesday. All of this makes me very aware of the damage I did to my body all those years of unhealthy living. It also has my mind spinning about change, restoring and cleaning out my heart, head and life.
Please don’t email me and tell me I’m blessed, that I really have nothing to complain about or that there are many others that have real problems. I’m aware my life is blessed and there are others battling with bigger issue. This blog isn’t about feeling sorry for myself. It’s about making myself aware of what and who is weighing me down. Things and people I pour myself into without any return value. That return is more along the lines of hatefulness, attitude that is beyond kind or no return at all. It’s that time of year when we all evaluate our past year and look forward to the new year. That’s where I’m at, planning for a year that will be full of dreams coming true, unconditional love, faithful friends and a year of accomplishing never before climbed mountains. I don’t have time to relive my past because by doing that it’s at the cost of my future. At 52 I realize that life is beginning to have a faded and unraveling edge. When you are in your 20’s you look at life with an “I’ve got time” view. In your 30’s and 40’s you begin to think about your 50’s but not as often as you should. Then all the sudden you are 50 and what the heck where did life go and why is it going so fast. That fading and unraveling edge is the unknown of what and when will I start to slow down, will I have an illness or how long do I have to live this life. Something most of don’t want or ever think about.
All of this seems a little deep for Christmas day and I agree it is, but it’s my honest thoughts and where I’m at. I’m a planner and that is what I’ve done. I’ve made a plan for this next year and it’s a big one. On New Years Day I will reveal my plan in all it’s detail. For now I wanted to share a few photo’s of what Merry I did have today. The best photo is of my sweet E excited over one of his gifts. It’s a bit blurry because he was moving so fast. I hope your Christmas was Merry, eye-opening and full of knowing each day is a blessing with no guarantees.
