Tonight I’m standing at a cross roads. To my right is what I said I was going to do and to my left is my wavering heart. I spend many times through out my day talking my way through decisions. I make a plan and tell myself this is how it’s going to be. I always feel better when I put a plan in place. When the times comes to put it into action the left side of my heart wavers. I have a hard time with this at school. I hate to give the kids grief even though I know its best for them if they do something wrong. We all learn from our mistakes and punishment is part of life when we don’t do what we know is right.
Following through is something I need to work on. Mostly when I say I’m going to do this if that happens. I don’t want to hurt feelings so I put my feelings aside and walk away. Sometimes I know that I do this out of fear. Fear that if I follow through with what I promise things will change. Change isn’t something I like at all. With all change there is growth. Painful, even heart breaking time will heal that and for the most you will see that change was for the good. Last year there where some changes put into place that effected me greatly. I have moments when I know it was God’s plan but the weakness in me as a human lets my head think other wise.
My blog is about projects. Things you can do to change your home and life. I’m the project tonight all my thoughts pouring out into the Blue Happy Living blog. I decided a long time ago to keep it real on this blog and tonight you get the real. I’m frustrated and beating myself up a bit for not following through with something I said I was going to do. I know I’ll get there but it’s going to be a hard struggle to bring my heart to that place. I want a clear future, I want to lay my head down at night and know it was enough and I want to do what I know is right in my heart no matter the feelings that might be hurt. I need to follow through with things I promise people and on that note an apology to Angie. You know who you are Angie and I promised you package and it’s coming I promise.
There are few things in my life that are hard core my faith in God, my love for my husband and the love for my children and grand children. I cherish and love my friends and my passion for my art is breath taking to say the least. For the most I try to help people and give out good vibes. Sometimes I fall short and sometimes I fail completely. It’s not all roses over here in Blue Happy land sometimes its pretty darn messed up. God gives me each day and with that day I’ll try harder.
