FEAR

We all have it, a fear of something that we aren’t sure why but it’s so real. I have a few and by a few I mean many things. I don’t like dark water because I can’t see what is around me. I don’t like the dark for the same reason. I don’t like lose teeth. Yes I know I’m a teacher. My students are warned and they respectfully go to see Mrs. Vickie at the front desk. I don’t like over passes and breathing is somewhat of an issue while at the top. The big one for me is back to the water thing. I do not like to walk, ride or fly over water. I get dizzy and sick to my stomach. I have never had anything happen it just started to bother me about 15 years ago and has gotten worse as I got older.

We went to San Francisco a few years ago and the over passes almost put me under. On top of that those over passes were over water most of the time. I spent most of my vacation sick to my stomach and wide-eyed fearful. I know my faith tells me not to fear but I’m weak and I don’t like water or over passes. Another vacation was to New Orleans where my dear sweat friend David drove out-of-the-way to make sure we went over the longest bridge and it was over water. I think it was like 27 miles or something like that. I road with my shirt over my head and gagging. It just gets the best of me and I can’t seem to climb that mountain . I’m always with someone else when I’m in this mess. The fear of trying to get past it and failing in front of someone is just as big. So………..

This weekend without knowing it my fear was headed right in my direction. Me without a plan of action or a plan to avoid it I had to face it head on. I didn’t do so well at first when Greg was with me. It kinda upset me because most of the time I can handle anything if Greg is at my side. I was so afraid I would puke in front of him I backed off and didn’t face it. Here is what happened. We had business in south Texas to take care of on Saturday. After a night in my happy place Waco we headed to a surprise destination Greg had planned for us. That was at a Hilton Gardens Inn on the water in Grandbury Texas. On Sunday afternoon once we had shopped and filled the Blue Happy Truck we checked into the Inn. Greg said let’s go check out the water. Great my favorite thing to do “NOT”. I went along but stayed so close to the edge of the building and never looked at the water. Greg tried his best to get me to come over and take a picture “NOPE” not gonna happen. He was kind and finally said okay let’s go get something to eat for dinner. I was still a little green as we got to the place to eat.

The next morning the gym at the hotel didn’t open until halfway through the day like 6am or something. So I went outside to run and found myself looking over my shoulder thinking this is your chance to over come this with no one around. I ran back and forth trying to get close to the water but no go for at least the first 30 minutes. There is a walkway that goes way out over the water and then back to the other side. I was running then all of the sudden I thought of my little Ethan and how he would be so proud if his Lolli could do this. I turned to run in the parking lot but suddenly I ran for the board walk. I thought I was gonna pass out but I kept going. I thought I would puke but I didn’t and then I realized I was halfway out on the boardwalk all alone. I wasn’t dying, sick to my stomach or passing out. I had done it without anything bad happening. I stopped and took a few pictures so I could prove it to Greg I won over my fear.

Now does this mean I will enjoy overpasses, bridges and water? Absolutely not! What I do know is I can tackle any fear I just need to do it on my own time and with my own way. Fear is nothing more than your brain telling you that you can’t do something. Using all that you have in your heart you can win over any fear. I must be honest my faith helped me walk/run over my fear. Without it I’m weak.