Struggling With My Journey

Words I don’t like to say “struggling with my journey”. It sends chills up my spine just silently thinking them but to say them out loud is painful. I’ve spent the better part of this week in pain. There isn’t a joint in my body that doesn’t hurt. I’m not sure why so starting tomorrow I’m flushing my body of any and all toxins. It’s all about Plexus, Protein shakes and tons of water. I’ve been here before and this protocol is what I need to get back to a pain-free workout.

In less than 30 days is the Ally’s Legacy 5k and I want to be in my best shape to make that happen. Crawl, walk or run I’ll cross that finish line no matter what. Something I’ve learned over the past 5 years is there will always be ups and downs. I’m not talking about my weight. I’m talking about where your journey as a whole is to where you want it to be. It’s hard for anyone to admit they are struggling, for me it’s devastating. I’ve worked so hard to round that corner at the 5 year mark. It’s just around the corner and I’m not where I want to be. Many people ask me are you done loosing weight? Yes, no and maybe there really isn’t a one word or sentence to answer that question. My weight is where I want it, but my muscle tone isn’t. My eating is under control but I still have moments, days and times it’s not. In a perfect journey I would never have to worry about gaining weight, working out or eating good. This journey is far from perfect and I’m so far from perfect it doesn’t even register on my radar. What I do know is I’m trying and every day I try harder.

Someone said to me just this week as they watched me struggle with pain “Your 52 you need to know your limits”. Wrong thing to say to someone like me, those words only fuel me. I’m sick to death of hearing, it’s your age, you have limits and my all time favorite you can’t be young forever. Let me address those awful words. First age has nothing to do with what I want and have accomplished, second the only limits are the one I choose to have or not to have and finally I don’t expect to be young in age forever only young at heart and health forever. No matter who you are if you are happy with the way you are tall, short, thin or chubby then you have a clear touch down in life. If you wake up every day and hate your life you are unhappy. If you continue to live that life the same way that day, never change anything and continue to complain then you will never be happy or move forward. I choose to fight with all my might. I will walk through pain and misery to get to the other side of my dream. Today was less than a banner day. I was quite and spent my day praying for answers to many questions on my plate. God answered a few of those questions and brought a bit of peace to my heart.

This past 5 years has been more than a weight loss journey. Although I do keep this photo handy for a visual reminder. It’s been about restoring my life in all area’s that my heart travels. I’m clear on my faith, future, friends and family. I know my art is a big part of my life until the day I rest. I’m firm in my God, faith and beliefs. I’m not perfect and I struggle sometimes, but I always pick myself up and move forward. Tomorrow I will rise at 4am and go to the gym. I will look forward and reach.