In a perfect world everything you ever wanted or wished for would be there. That perfect job, house, car, body and the list goes on. It’s easy to sit back and look at others and think they have it all or their life is perfect. When in reality not everything is the way it appears to be. We have all heard “the grass isn’t greener on the other side of the fence” well it’s true most of the time.
I’m so guilty of comparing. Here lately more than ever because of the health journey I’ve been on. I know I’ve lost over 150 pounds and I see it when I look in the mirror or take a picture. When I have my picture made with others I mentally start to compare my body. I don’t wanna do that but I do and it causes me grief. I start looking at every inch of my body and tear myself apart. The end results are I dismiss all of the work I’ve done and focus on what needs to be done.
This morning this fault of mine reared its ugly head at the gym. A few of us girls ended up wearing tanks in the same color. It happens often without any planning on our part. We all took a picture they all looked so good and I was so unhappy with the way I looked. Later that morning on the way out the door some guy said wow all your shoes are in the same color. Well, it was a picture opportunity. Again I thought my leg looked fat and theirs looked skinny. I know this is the thought process that my head has because of my eating disorder, it’s my reality.
I work on myself every day. Some days are better than others. The good days are when I can manage to not think about what I need to do but I can focus on the wins. My wins are big and accomplished but the weight of my disease pulls those wins down. Now don’t get me wrong I’m way ahead of myself from where I started almost 5 years ago. Although I have days and moments on the down side I do have many more days and moments on the bright side of healing. It’s all a process that you must walk through to heal yourself. Missing any of this might not get you the same results. I know that at the end of this journey I will be healthy and stronger.
This blog isn’t about making people feel sorry for me or wanting compliments. I want to be honest about my journey and this is the raw truth. Someone said to me just a few days ago “it’s easy for you because you had the surgery” or my favorite “you don’t have to do anything to lose weight because you have the sleeve”. Well let me tell you this isn’t easy at all. If I don’t watch what I eat, exercise and follow the program my Doctor set up for me I will gain weight again. The sleeve isn’t a magic trick, it’s a tool and nothing more. If I blogged about how perfect this journey was or how easy it is to lose weight I would be lying. From the beginning I wanted to be raw and honest. I wanted to let you see inside my world the good and the bad. Obesity is a disease I live with that everyday, with every choice and every step I take.
