My Birthday Blog

Today was my 52nd birthday. I’m not sure how I feel about that number. It sounds really old, like when you where young and your parents told their age. I remember once my mother saying she was 35 I thought WOW she is really old. When I was in my 20’s to me old was 40. When I was in my 30’s 50 seemed old. You get the point they older we get the younger those older ages seem. Last night I watched as Cher zipped across stage, sang her heart out and didn’t seem a bit breathy. She also said I can do a 5 minute plank. The reality that she is this healthy after a somewhat not so healthy youth is amazing. I guess no matter where you come from or how you live in your younger years it’s possible to make things right again. Saturday we celebrated with those I love. A few are missing from this picture. So today on my birthday I took a moment to look back at where I was 5 short years ago. The grim reality of where my life was headed due to my obesity seemed hopeless. I would wake up every morning with a plan and a mission but by noon I was elbow deep in a bag of chips. I just couldn’t get out of this rut no matter the plans I made I just slipped right back in.

Having my doctor call me out without one ounce of care and understanding was hard enough. Maybe that was his plan all along, tough care. Whatever his plan it worked. I didn’t want to be that person in the mirror anymore. I no longer wanted to be the overweight teacher, mom, wife and Lolli. I just wanted to unzip the fat suit and step out. Not so easy, not so quick. It didn’t take a week to get to 304lbs so the journey back would be long. I’m not sure what clicked in my head that put me on track, but I’m glad it did. It’s not all roses and skinny jeans there is an ugly side several times a month, week and day. My bodies metabolizing ability is for the most damaged from all the yoyo dieting I did as a young person. I can’t even tell you how hard it was to break up with Jack-in-the-Box. I’m mean really he was the other man in my life for many years. All I had to do was to drive up to his window and get total comfort in a box. Sooner or later that craving left me, but one by one I had to go through my cravings as if they had lives of their own. Lets see there was cheese, chips, chocolate, cup cakes, ice cream and the list goes on and on and on. Those foods still raise their heads ever so often and sometimes I give in. It’s a battle I fight everyday. In the beginning I would almost cry craving that crap. Oh how I wish I would have had guidance as a young person about food, diet and exercise. I was failed as a child and I failed my children as well. Now I spend my days cleaning up this mess, but the dirty life I lived is falling behind and loosing its strength.

Sometimes we think we and things in our lives have gone beyond repair. When I find furniture that has been tossed aside I often think why? Why would someone just toss it out as if it had no life left. The day my doctor talked so rude to me I felt tossed out and given up on. Those feelings birthed my need to restore my life and my health. Weeks ago in an Auction at Rustybydesignauction.com I won the bid on a dresser that needed lots of TLC. It was unstable, missing a drawer and all kinds of wood damage. I got it for like $20 which is unheard of in an auction. I brought it home gave it the Blue Happy treatment and it is now restored. I’ll let you be the judge of that as you look at the pictures. I’m amazed how something so damaged could become so beautiful. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised by this love is powerful. I think I just answered my own question. What is it that clicked in my head? That click was me for the first time ever loving myself.