Seems every year at this time my plate is so full. This year isn’t any different from any other year. School is coming to an end on a fast track, art show is this Saturday, Blue Happy is more demanding than ever before and I still have the responsibilities of my family. At times I feel so over whelmed I just wanna go hind but truth be told I love all the craziness. I seem to feed off of it.
It’s so easy to let things pile up and get out of hand when you are in a busy season. I for one try very hard to keep ahead of things in my life. Having my home organized so I don’t misplace things makes it easy to get ready and out the door early. I’m not a fan of those morning I use to have when my kids where small and things got out of control. Where are my shoes, I need my homework, I lost my back pack and I need lunch mom! Those are night mares I don’t wanna think about. As a young mom I thought I had it all together but truth be told I didn’t. Most of the time I was just hoping not to forget to put on a bra and remember to brush my teeth. Forget about time for fixing my hair and make up was a treat most days. I didn’t want anyone to know that I didn’t have it together so I would hide the fact that my life was out of control. When people ask me do I need help or if I’m okay I would say I’m fine and move on. Failing in almost all area’s of my life at that young age caused great anxiety and heart ache. As I have gotten older and next month even older I have realized it’s okay if you don’t have all the answers or have it all together. Looking to friends, family and medical care isn’t a bad thing it’s a good thing that we all need ever so often in our lives. The hardest critic you will have is the mirror. We judge ourselves the hardest with no love or understand. I don’t know about you but I find that sad. Everyday working at a school I see so many momma’s just like I was so many years ago. My heart breaks for them as I watch them struggle silent. Even harder to watch my own daughter & daughter-in-law try to do everything perfect and never ask for help.
I’m not fault free I still do things all myself without asking those around me for support. Most of the time my head says you got this, you can do it and no one needs to help you. I have the mentality that I’m the only one that can do it right and if someone else tries it want be right. I’m reminded of this as I set up for the biggest art show of the year coming up on Saturday. Monday our school was closed from the Easter holiday. I was there, setting up boards for the show, making list of things to do by the open of the show and firing the kiln. No one else was there just me and all the odd noises you hear when children aren’t around making noise. Pretty sure I heard someone say “hey” but it was just the wind or that’s what I told myself. We all have those times we need help and we need to ask for it. Recently I had a friend ask me to help organize her kitchen when she moves. She even offered to pay me and I quickly responded by saying no you will not. I would love to help her and glad she ask because that is what a family of friends do for each other. We all have those people in our lives that will help we only need to put out our hand.
This week I’m over whelmed with all that needs to happen to make the show a success for these kids. They have all worked so hard and I don’t wanna let them down. Change to one’s self comes slow but gradually it will come. Making ourselves aware of our weakness is the first step down a different path. My path changes everyday as I work on being a better Blue Happy me.
