When I started all this I set a goal, a deadline if you will. I didn’t want to this to drag out for the rest of my life. I made a plan, set my goals and started my journey. I had spent most of my adult life trying to get my weight under control. It consumed my life, everyday and every minute. I woke up thinking about it and went to bed thinking about it. Oh how things could have been different if I would have been thinking about the right things. If only I knew then what I know now my thoughts would be healthier and happier. I would encourage myself not beat myself up.
As I got up every morning I would tell myself today I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna eat less, eat right and get rid of my fat. I’d do great for a few hours until starving would get to me. Eating little to nothing didn’t go far and before the day was over I would plunge into the frig and eat everything I could find, then start on the pantry. All of this before the kids got off the bus. The rest of the day I would think badly of myself and scold myself like a bad child. Before the night was over I would move into the comforting part of being over weight and feed my emotions more food. It had become a vicious cycle. Once I went to bed I would hate myself because I gave in to food. I never knew or understood why I followed these behaviors. I did this day in and day out for many years. Not until I dealt with the issues that caused me to comfort eat did I win this battle.
I’m nearing my goals I set for myself and it feels amazing. In the same hand it also seems scary because I’m so close and I’ve never been here before. I’m at the door of being free from all that weight, free from the emotional eating and owning my life again. At my heaviest 303 my weight owned my life and my thoughts. Everywhere I turned the weight had me and choked me. This October will be 5 years that I started down this path. Two weigh loss surgeries, many skin removal surgeries, hundred’s of hours in the gym and letting go of the past that haunted me for years. I love being in the sun. For years I hated my shadow from the sun it was like a large dark cloud that I couldn’t get away from. Now it’s quiet pleasing to see it’s so much different now.
October is the 5 year goal date I set it seems so long ago, but really seems like yesterday. October is gonna be a month to remember. It will be the first time I ever reached my goal of getting rid of all that weight. What a celebration we will have in October it’s already in the planning. So many times I went on a diet and failed. So many times I told myself this is it I’m gonna do it and didn’t. Understanding it wasn’t just about the food is what got me here today. I’ve learned so much over the past 4 1/2 years. I’m looking forward to October and all it has to offer. I can for once put to bed this burden of obesity. Wow what a feeling that will be. All my surgeries will be over and I’m healthy. That is all I ever wanted, to know I have done all I can to get healthy. There has been prayer everyday sometimes all day to make it through this journey. God has blessed me and put the right gym girls, doctors, friend and family in my path. I’m so very grateful and thankful. At times this hasn’t been pretty or even comfortable but I can see the light at the end of this tunnel.
