As I said in Day 3 of my health journey blogs I didn’t do any of this to wear a 2 piece at the pool. I started this journey because my list of health issues were growing and I needed to get off that ride in order to live a long happy life. High blood pressure, sleeping issues, rapid heart rate, full body pain and the list of issues go on and on. I knew in my heart I was on that slippery slop and I had to do something fast. I needed to land this hard for me, my family and my future.
One of the hardest things to deal with is this thing called “head hunger”. When my doctor told me I would experience this I thought WHAT I will not have that. Boy did I have it and I still do today. It comes and goes and hits when you don’t expect it. The easiest way to explain it would be to describe it. Let’s say you eat a great lunch you know and feel you are full. Shortly after you go about your day you think you are hungry and it’s nagging at you. Or you have gone to bed and you are not hungry but all the sudden you think you need to eat those chips in the pantry. Your not hungry but your head ist telling you go eat something. That is head hunger and most of the time it’s not food you need. Your body is more than likely telling you that you need water. Yes head hunger can mean that you are dehydrated. So drink up and wait until your body is hunger for real. I’ve had to learn food is for fuel and head hunger needs to be drowned with water to make it stop talking in your head.
I rise every morning before the sun and almost all the people in my world. I go to the gym Monday through Friday and workout hard. I can see extreme changes in my body, mind and health. It’s all been worth the many hours of working out but it’s not always easy. There are mornings I don’t wanna go, classes I wish I could skip and always that moment when I just wanna pass the gym. I have to push myself some days. Sometimes I have to bargain with myself and say if you get there and don’t wanna stay you can leave. There are some days my body hurts so bad that I think I can’t do anymore. There have been times that I would get in my truck at the end of the day after being at the gym twice I would cry because the pain is so bad. I often think why are you doing this and then I remember I made a promise to myself. That promise was to set a goal, make a plan and save my life from all these health issues. I keep that promise in my head and when I struggle I reclaim my promise to myself and I PUSH!
Finally as my body changes learning to accept it is a challenge. Looking in the mirror I still see that over weight and sad person I looked at over 4 years ago. I’m trying to learn to see my successes and appreciate it. I live in constant fear that “Fat unhealthy LaTonya” will return if I relax and let my guard down. I take it one day at a time and pray about it often. I’m human so weakness is a part of my make-up. I wake everyday with the hopes that I can be strong and keep up with this new life style. It was and is a struggle to keep moving forwards at times but there are those days that I rest in where I am. I don’t want anyone to think this is easy even though I’m almost to my goal I still have days of struggle. It’s not easy to turn your life around and walk in a totally new direction. It’s hard but the reward as you climb that mountain is amazing! You just need to love yourself and find your Blue Happy.
