Todays blog was written and the surprise I had been planning for over a week didn’t happen. Today was the day I was gonna surprise someone with a Blue Happy piece. They still have no idea what’s coming their way. The timing didn’t workout but I’ve got a back up plan for next week and this one is fail proof.
Today I had dental work done and a lot of it. I spent the better part of my day at the dentist office. I don’t like dental work and going is such a chore for me. As I sat in the front office I over heard a mom say to her daughter the rudest thing. She told her to stop wearing her hair like that, it’s not in style and people would think she was weird. The little girl got tears in her eyes and look down almost in shame. I though her hair was cute, different but cute. I wore my hair like that many times as a child but according to her mother it was out of style and weird. She had high braided pig tails, one on each side of her head. They were well done and balanced on each side. See that’s what I mean not weird at all. Why do we insist that our children fit into this box with no personality, with no character and without creativity. We now give them labels like OCD, ADD, ADHD and so many more. We have moved from labeling the outside to labeling the inside, the brain and the heart. Please don’t send me emails telling me that these are true diagnoses. I’m sure they are I was diagnosed with OCD a few years ago. My needs are real and my diagnoses was and is real. I went years without diagnoses and seem to turn out fine. I only looked to medical testing to put to rest my need to check locks, lights, doors and continuous counting of things. Learning to deal with it has been eye-opening. I’ve also learned that so much more of my quirky things are right in line with my OCD. The dots on this pillow is a real issue for me. They are on my friends Susan’s sofa. When I’m at her house I just wanna curl up on her sofa and count the dots on all her pillows. Even though I have counted them before.
I’m not sure where I was when I knew that my way of doing things was different. Somewhere around 12 to 13 years old I started noticing I didn’t fit with most of the kids around me. In conversations I would hear the others talking and think hmmmmm that’s not the way I see it at all. I found myself growing quiet not wanting to express my feelings in fear I wouldn’t be excepted. As time went on I started to feel angry because I was told don’t say that, don’t wear that or don’t act like that people will talk. By the time I was a young adult I decided I don’t care I’m gonna be me like it or not.
That is when my world started to change. There were times that I might have taken my opinions to far. I’m sure some of my actions were out right scary but in the end I was me. As I’ve grown older I understand the importance of keeping my quirkiness under cover when it was not appropriate. I’ve learned to keep my thoughts to myself. Expressing them to some groups would only serve as shock value and I don’t need to feed that monkey at my age. My family embraces my quirkiness and have grown to deal with the little things I do. Greg graciously goes with me shopping even though he knows we have to walk the store in a certain pattern. I also make him drive from store to store in a pattern as well and if he takes a different way on purpose or just makes a wrong turn oh my goodness it ain’t pretty. Heather and Clint lived with us while their house was being built. They were kind and followed all my rules in my house and there are many rules. The pillows on the couch have to be in a certain order, No dishes left in the sink, don’t move things around out-of-place in the panty and so many more. The best one get ready for it…….no one but me can do laundry on Sunday. I must have routine, nothing can be put in a different place than where I say it goes or I have a fall apart. Trust me I wish I could throw caution to the wind and leave dishes undone or laundry in the dryer. I can’t and that’s okay. It is a great effort daily to go through life counting steps, always trying to organize what is around me and just living within my crazy head. I’ve had people tell me as I walk up the long parking lot to school I look upset. I’m not just counting how many steps to my class room. It’s always different depending on my parking spot. Oh they day we can have assigned parking spots!
It’s fine to wear a uniform to school or work clothing isn’t what makes you the person you are. What makes you different is what’s in your heart. We all start out young and full of expression. There is a difference between acting out and being different. One is rebellious and the other is being true to yourself. I have learned to love my differences. I embrace my quirkiness and cherish it. God made me different but I’ve learned he made us all different and he wants us to celebrate who we are. I’m excited for the weekend and time with Greg. Friday after school is a Blue Happy short road trip I’m so looking forward to it. You’ll hear all about it on Monday!
Pam
March 31, 2017Be you, be real, be vulnerable. Great post!