Just being honest here I’ve got something on my mind. I’m not one to keep my thoughts to myself, to hold back or to just not speak at all. I’m a person that you will always know how I feel but here lately there are a few things in my life that I’m a bit flustered with and I’m not sure how to let go of it without speaking my mind.
When I was little I was told if you don’t have something nice to say don’t say anything at all. REALLY but what if it goes against every grain in your body. I’m trying to figure that one out so not to hurt feelings and get myself in trouble with the adults in my life. No, I’m not going to let the cat out of the bag here on my blog. I still have a few things to work out in my head. Do I confront the issue head on no matter the outcome or do I step back and except that not everything in my life works out in reality like it does in my head. After all this isn’t an issue that will cause harm just hurt feelings if I open up this box. I also have to ask myself am I making more of a big deal than it really is. I guess time will tell and that is what I need to give it, time. So this part of my blog today will continue at a later date.
In my younger years I was a hot head to say the lease. I was over the top about every thing. No commits from the peanut gallery Karen. I never relaxed, never was calm and by no means was I easy-going. I lived on 2 to 3 hours of sleep a night, started my day with 5 hour energy shots (yes shots) and did that all day long until I got my ever so long to do list finished or almost finished. I put stress on my marriage and my kids with my continual cleaning. No matter how hard I tried there was never a day long enough to finish all that I wanted to finish. I was building up a damn inside of me that was surely to break, and boy did it break. As I got older I begin to eat to feel better about my short falls. It was comforting and I soon found food gave me relief of what was going on in my head. I’ve told the story 303lbs, 47 years old and high blood pressure holding hands with chest pains. Not a pretty picture at all but my picture 4 years ago. I found myself on one side of the shore and my family on the other side. I needed to find a way back to them. I’ve told you my weight loss story but there is so many other stories that support that. One of those is not to burn bridges but to build them. I’m still learning how to do this, how to open my heart and understand others. To love instead of judge when things aren’t aligned with my beliefs and dreams. Not to over blow the issue at hand but to break it down and see inside it. Before anything pray and stand on that love within my heart. Always seems to turn out best that way.
I’m not perfect nor will I ever be but I’m willing to give it my best shot. Who knows I might just turn out to soar above it all and win over this need to be perfect. Maybe my past will be just that and my present will be Blue Happy knowing my future is laced with love, family, friends and understanding. Not a blog with a lot of redo’s, fix ups or makeovers but it is about me restoring my life to a Blue Happy State. I love Tuesday it’s art club day for me. I get to spend it with some of the best young ladies I know and that my friend is Blue Happy. Hope your Tuesday is Blue Happy as well.
