I started a blog a few weeks ago and never finished it. When I went back and read it I sounded like a weird person that was just randomly spitting out words. Here is what I wrote…
I drove from my home to Medical City for an appointment with my Plastic Surgeon. Thing is I don’t remember the drive at all because my head was stuck in the clouds. I’m tense about some things and I’m not sure what to do about them. Have you ever noticed all the strange things along the road as you drive. Why are there a pair of shoes sitting on the curb that look like someone just stepped out of them. There’s a Payless across the parking lot did someone buy shoes and change right there on the curb. The city needs to mow the grass is really high….
I kinda remember writing that at the long light at Forrest Lane. I’m pretty sure my stress level that day was over the top. I don’t normally write things and put them in a draft box. So when I opened up word press and saw a draft I was like “what could that be”. This is what it was just a bunch of nothing thoughts that I jotted down. After I read it I thought well maybe there is something here that I can learn from. At a girls night out I noticed at the table next to us the people were very messy. After they left I mentioned it to Nicole and she said I didn’t notice nor did any one at the table notice. I don’t remember what the girls at my table were talking about because I was so focused on the other table and the fact that they had food on the floor, napkins tossed about and chewed with their mouth open. That is how it works in my head I have times where I focus on one thing, sometimes it’s important and sometimes it is pointless. That would be a pointless time if you ask me. What I have discovered is that when I’m stressed I look for something to control. By doing that it makes me in control of something. Control is what we all like to have in all aspects of our lives. We like to be the one that calls all the shots for our families , at our jobs and with our Children. Sometimes that doesn’t work out and for me that is hard to deal with. I’m admitting I was and yes I still do Helicopter Mom both my children. I try not to but old habits are hard to break. I don’t do it to hurt my children, I do it to help them. I do it to protect them from being hurt by others. I need to realize they are grown and need to run things their way not mine. If they fall well its hard to watch but they will learn from that. I wish I had a perfect head that wasn’t burdened by this crazy perfectionist issues but I don’t and I have to deal with what I got. Recently I heard someone say I was just stupid. Hmmmmmmm well that hurt, but then I thought no your not they just don’t understand the older you get the wiser you become. Why, because you have lived and watched life happen. Because of that your are full of smart and insightful information.
Being able to admit you aren’t perfect because you expect perfection is powerful and refreshing. I’ve got a lot of learning to do about letting go. In the end I just want to love my family, live with in my faith and create. Life isn’t simple but it’s full and that is all we can ask for. Monday’s holiday finds me working in my studio in the quiet with lots of Blue Happy thoughts.
