Blue Happy Living

This past weekend my better half went on a guys weekend.  He needed it with all that he went through this past year.  It’s only been 3 months past from the day Greg left the hospital.  I can’t believe that he is doing so well. I would have never thought he would be after his illness. Life is a funny thing one day you and your family are rock’in along and then the next day total turmoil.  Happiness is a state of mind and there are many things that can change that.  What we get out of life is what we put into it.  How we deal with turmoil determines our future happiness.

My heart sometimes becomes heavy when I think about how many years I wasted worried about things in life that really don’t matter.  I have been angry over things I can’t change and will never change.  I hated life because of what others did to me when I was  little girl.  I let words of other unhappy adults impress on my mind and haunt me for years.  I wasted and let so much life pass me by because I had so much anger, hate and turmoil in my heart and head.  My soul was dying even though my heart was beating.  My faith carried me so many years and I didn’t even give thanks for that.  God has been so good to me even in those times when I didn’t deserve it.  Oh the glory of his love and blessings.

Starting over or at a fresh point is hard when you feel so bogged down by what is happening in your life.  Many have told me that one day everything I ran from will catch me and it will knock me for a loop.  I’m not sure what that means because my plan is to run so far ahead that it dies trying to catch me.  I’ve made peace with that little girl who lives inside of me and all the crap she had to run from.  I have forgiven those adults that had a hand in the large rip in my soul.  I did forgive but will never forget.  I say that because all the bad and all the nightmares have made me a strong women today. I never want to forget only get stronger and forgiveness has strengthened me.  Giving in to that little girl and her fears will always be there but I’ve learned to be strong for her and carry her fears so she can rest.  Some can put the past just where it is and belongs, others need help from a  therapist.  Some may seek it with  prayer and a pastor.  Whatever you need, get it done move on and live life.  It took me years to let the bad in my life grow me and not slow me.

So many times I have ask why me God, why me, what did I do to deserve this night mare?  Life is stepping-stones everything good or bad is to teach us a life lesson.  I can’t imagine who I would be or where I would be if all the bad hadn’t happened.  I’m a better person, mother, friend, teacher and Christian because of all the bad.  I’m a person that says I have NO regrets at all.  Yes I would have done somethings different.  That is when you know life’s happenings are growing you not slowing you.

Growing and learning  out of turmoil is a part of life.  I’m running hard towards my dreams, hopes and life.  Giving up, not an option and shouldn’t be for anyone.  Find 30 minutes a week to plan and work towards your happiest life.  Your job, home or circumstance isn’t  final.  Find your Blue Happy and run with it.